


Adrenaline Zen

by Annie46fic



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Community: j2_reversebang, J2 Reverse Bang Challenge 2017, M/M, Sports
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 21:08:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12639222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie46fic/pseuds/Annie46fic
Summary: Jensen & Jared - Both adrenaline junkies in their own way - but as brave as Jared is when it comes to extreme sports he is a coward when it comes to telling Jensen just how he feels about him.Will he dare to take that final jump, or will he fall?





	Adrenaline Zen

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the J2 Reverse bang challenge 2017. 
> 
> Special thanks to my wonderful artist [stormbrite](https://stormbrite.livejournal.com) whose art is so inspirational, please give her [love and kudos](https://stormbrite.livejournal.com/32341.html).

**1986 – Austin**

 

Jared was four years old and had only just learned how to ride his trike; he hadn’t had the courage to try his two-wheeler yet, even though daddy told him he’d be fine. Jared had a fear of falling and hurting himself. Although he knew he should trust his daddy, he just didn’t dare.

 

He was sitting outside his drive; perched on the trike and squinting into the relentless sunshine. He could see the bigger kids up the street playing on their bikes. Jared watched them, fascinated as they rode along the pavement and whizzed by without stopping, not one of them interested in a cowardly kid who hadn’t even graduated from his stupid three-wheeler.

 

“Hey!”

 

He looked up to see a tall, lanky freckled boy looking down at him. The boy had a really cool bike - black with shiny wheels and what looked like a tiger’s tail hanging from his handlebars. The boy’s eyes were bright green, framed by reddish lashes and his grin was wide and friendly. Jared had seen him around, knew he had only just moved into the area but he had never actually spoken to him yet. Usually big kids didn’t speak to little kids. 

 

“Hey,” he knew he sounded quiet and pathetic and he rubbed the back of his neck as he felt his cheeks grow hot and red.

 

“My name’s Jensen. What’s yours?”

 

“Jared.” 

 

“Do you wanna’ ride on my handlebars, Jared?” Jensen’s offer was surprising and unexpected. “I’m gonna try to go up on the back wheel . . . it’ll be awesome.”

 

Jared’s stupid stomach churned and he eyed the sidewalk with some trepidation. It was hard and stony, and it would really hurt badly if he fell off onto it. He opened his mouth to refuse but then he caught Jensen’s eye, saw that the older boy was beaming at him and already sitting back on his saddle to make room for Jared.

 

“I won’t let you get hurt.” Green eyes looked at him kindly, knowingly and Jared swallowed down his fear and got off his own stupid trike. Jensen reached down to him and grabbed his wrist, hauling him up easily and setting him onto the handlebars. Jared felt unsteady but his heart was already pounding with excitement rather than fear, and he gripped hard onto the metal beneath him, feeling the solid bulk of Jensen’s body holding him steady.

 

They set off at a steady pace until Jensen sped up, tipping back suddenly, and the front wheel left the sidewalk; the two of them rearing up as if they were cowboys on a particularly frisky horse. Jared felt the wind whipping his hair and his eyes watered but he wasn’t scared, not at all, and he found himself whooping loudly, unrestrained, as they sped along, Jensen laughing all the way.

Afterwards, Jensen dropped him back at his house and Jared couldn’t stop smiling. He knew that Jensen was older and that, when he found friends of his own age, he probably wouldn’t have time for Jared but that didn’t stop the warm feeling that flooded through him and he had to restrain himself from giving Jensen a hug.

 

The next day Jared told his daddy he was ready to ditch his trike and try his two wheeler instead. Once he had climbed up and put his ass on the saddle, he never once looked back.

 

****

 

**1996 – Austin**

 

At fourteen Jared was taller than he should be, and as thin as a rake. He was clumsy and awkward, all long limbs and jutting bones. He was conscious of his looks now, realizing he was different from the other boys his age in so many different ways. Despite this he had a lot of friends because he excelled at sport, all sports. He was captain of the basketball team, played soccer for his high school and was pretty good at tennis too. It was out of school hours though, that he really came into his own and he spent most of his leisure time skateboarding. It had become a popular sport in his hometown, and most kids owned a board of some kind. Jared had badgered his parents until they had bought him several really awesome boards and he mastered a lot of difficult maneuvers. He was no longer hampered by his childhood fear of danger and pain. He’d suffered a few minor knocks, but nothing to put him off and he found himself the center of attention whenever the boards came out.

 

Jared had to admit he liked all the adulation, but there was only one person’s opinion that really counted and that was Jensen’s. Despite their age difference the two boys had remained firm friends, and Jensen was always the first to see Jared’s latest trick, always the first to help him make it better and more exciting.

 

Obviously Jensen had other friends and other interests; he had grown into a very handsome young man, and he was a pretty good sportsman in his own right. He had been offered a place at Penn State due to his proficiency in the gym, and it was obvious that he was going to go far. He was also pretty damn clever, and his grades had been outstanding. Jared knew that Jensen would be going away soon and he was scared for the first time in a long time. He was scared of losing Jensen. Jensen had made him a better person, and had given Jared the courage to do things he never thought he would do. Deep down Jared wasn’t sure he could manage without him.

 

He couldn’t hold Jensen back though, and he wouldn’t, instead he gave his friend as much encouragement as he could. He watched Jensen compete in state competitions, and perform his physical exercises with grace. He even went with Jensen and his parents to Penn State. He looked around the dorm where Jensen would be living, walked around the busy campus pretending he didn’t see the pretty girls eyeing up his friend, pretending that he wasn’t eaten up with both fear and envy.

 

By the time school broke up for summer Jared had to admit what he felt for Jensen was more than friendship, and more than admiration. He had to admit it to himself because there was no way he could tell anyone else, and certainly no way he could tell Jensen, but it was obvious why Jared had always felt different. It was obvious why Jared had always clung to Jensen, why he had always valued Jensen’s opinion, and why he would miss Jensen like a fucking limb when he moved away.

 

Jared was in love.

 

There was no denying it. All he could hope is that one day he might be able to tell Jensen the truth, and he knew that that would be the bravest thing he would ever do.

 

****

 

**1999 - Whistler/Blackcomb – British Columbia**

 

At seventeen Jared had grown into himself at last; he was still long and lanky but, because of his constant skate boarding, he’d managed to develop impressive muscles in his thighs and shoulders. This _fantastic_ development had led to a lot of interest from the opposite sex but although he had lots of female friends Jared wasn’t really interested in dating anyone.

 

He’d kept in touch with Jensen but they didn’t see each other as much as he would have liked. From his emails and phone calls it was obvious that Jensen was doing really well, and would certainly graduate with honors. His gymnastic career was taking off too and there were rumors of a place in the national squad. Jared was so fucking proud of his friend and, even though he hadn’t thought it was possible, more in love than ever.

 

When the invitation came he was almost beside himself with excitement; a whole two weeks in Whistler/Blackcomb in Canada, an opportunity to learn snowboarding, and any other winter sport that caught his interest and, best of all, he was going to be sharing the experience with Jensen and his college buddies. The fact he was four years younger and still a _kid_ in their eyes didn’t faze him at all, in fact, all he cared about was that he was going to see his best friend again and he couldn’t wait.

 

Whistler was an awesome place. There were snow covered peaks and lush valleys, hiking trails and lifts up to the summit. It was early December, three weeks before Christmas and fucking freezing but Jared didn’t give a shit and he was certain his mom had packed him enough winter woolens to last him an entire season, let alone a fortnight. 

 

They were staying in a large condo in Horstman House; it was an elegant lodge in a forest setting, was located at the foot of Blackcomb Mountain. There was an outdoor pool, a hot tub and a lounge area. The patio had a barbecue and when Jared stood on the steps of the condo he could smell the fresh pine air and the biting scent of winter.

 

Jensen met him in the lobby and showed him around. His friend had grown; stocky now with chest muscles which bulged through the soft wool of his sweater, red gold hair cut neatly and spiked artfully, a matching goatee making him look vaguely wicked. He still had those freckles though, and bright green eyes which shone warmly at Jared as Jensen pulled him into a welcome hug. He then introduced Jared to his three friends. All of them looked like typical American college kids. Dayal was tall and broad, dark skin and hair and teeth to die for. Lloyd was blond, blue-eyed and obviously a football player, while Scott was shorter, skinny with long limbs, his body hidden beneath layers of wool and cotton. They were friendly enough, but it was obvious they didn’t understand why Jensen seemed so enamored with this lanky kid from Texas. Jared didn’t drive and he wasn’t supposed to drink either and, clearly, they thought he would be a liability and totally ruin their two weeks of partying.

 

Again Jared didn’t care. He was here, and he was overjoyed, and he was determined to show them that he wasn’t going to be a burden. What he really wanted to do was learn to snowboard and he was certain that he would be able to catch on pretty fast. Whatever Jensen had told his buddies Jared didn’t know, but Dayal’s face when Jared managed to skim by him on their first day of snowboarding told a story all of its own.

 

****

 

He was good at it - no scratch that, he was excellent. Jared took to the snowboard like a duck takes to water and, while he wasn’t surprised his companions were, and he knew smugly, he had earned their grudging respect. Not that that mattered, the only person he wanted to _impress_ was Jensen and, just looking into those wide green eyes full of admiration, was enough. Soon Jensen was confident enough to join him on the slopes and they spent hours and hours just gliding across the gleaming snow, the two of them going faster and faster and taking more and more risks.

 

Soon though his two weeks were almost up. Jared would be going back home, and Jensen back to college to pack up for Christmas. He knew he would see his friend back in Austin, but it wouldn’t be the same. He’d gotten such a buzz from boarding, and doing it alongside Jensen made it even more exciting. Sure he would still be able to use his skateboard but it wouldn’t be the same, and he felt almost like an addict wanting more and more thrills.

 

He was packing up to go, thrusting his clothing into his suitcase, reluctance coloring his every move. Jensen was sitting on the bed watching him, aware of his misery and trying, unsuccessfully, to cheer him up. He tried to smile but he felt stupid tears sting his lashes and, for a moment, it was as if he was seven rather than seventeen, the cool water on his cheeks a total and utter embarrassment.

 

“Hey Jared,” it was Dayal and he was beaming. “There’s a guy here to see you . . . from the resort.” 

 

Jared stopped packing and looked over to Jensen with a frown.

 

“You don’t think I’ve done anything wrong, do you?”

 

“Apart from getting drunk in the hot tub I guess not,” Jensen replied, winked and grinned and Jared felt his stomach flip foolishly, love flooding his veins like water.

 

The man who entered was big and buff, in his early forties, his tanned face and broad shoulders signposting the fact that he was obviously fit and athletic, his thick shirt and jeans illustrating that he probably lived here all year round.

 

“Jared, right?” He was beaming. “I’ve heard a lot about you. I’ve seen you too. You are pretty damn awesome on the boards, fastest learner I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. Let’s not beat about the bush here son . . . I’d like to offer you a job here.”

 

“A job?” Jared’s heart was pounding, he looked over to Jensen who was virtually bristling with pride. “But sir, I’m not eighteen till next summer a-and . . . .”

 

“No problem there son. If it is alright with your parents then it is alright with me. You could transfer to the local school to finish off your education, but I can offer you a good starting salary and tip-top accommodation. We can continue with your training too. What I want - what I need, is a boarder with your skill and confidence. When the customers see your demonstrations they’ll be dying to give the sport a try.” He held out his hand. “What do you say kid? Do we have a deal?”

 

Jared’s head spun as he thought about his parents; what they might say. He thought about his home life in Austin and how much his life would change if he did this. Then he glanced across at Jensen, saw the encouragement plain on his face, saw the excitement in his eyes and he knew there was only one answer.

 

“Yeah.” He took the man’s hand in his own and shook it hard. “We have a deal.”

 

****

 

**Whistler – 2000**

 

In the summer that Jared turned eighteen Jensen graduated from college. Jared made the trip down from Whistler to see him and to join his family for the celebrations. He hadn’t seen Jensen since the Christmas he’d taken the job at Horstman’s, but they’d kept in touch and Jared delighted in telling Jensen everything he’d done in the time since they’d last seen each other.

 

Jared was now a competent and adventurous boarder. He‘d also taken up cross country skiing, and spent a lot of his time on the more dangerous and challenging slopes. If there was a stunt to try, or a trick to perform, then it was Jared who did it and it was Jared who did it well. He was fearless, loving every single buzz that each new risk gave him. He was popular too, and he often found himself as an object of interest both to men and women. However, he never took up any offers because although was brave enough to perform a back flip whilst riding the board down the steepest of slopes, he was too much of a coward to tell Jensen that he was in love with him.

 

For his part, despite his prowess, Jensen had decided he wanted to teach gymnastics rather than join a team. He loved working with kids, and had done so on a voluntary basis for virtually his entire time in college. No amount of persuasion could sway him otherwise and he had already applied to several specialist colleges determined to become the best teacher ever.

 

Jensen had also become a risk taker, and an extreme sports junkie. For him, the buzz came from sky diving and he spent a lot of time in the air. Jared listened raptly to Jensen’s tales of flying and readily agreed to join his friend on his next trip.

 

****

 

**Austin - Late Summer 2000**

 

“So.” Jared leaned back in the passenger seat of Jensen’s old car and gazed out of the window. The day was bright, hot and clear, the sun burning yellow in the relentlessly blue sky. He wasn’t used to the heat anymore, and he wiped the sweat away from his brow for the seventeenth time. Jensen grinned at him, one tanned hand on the wheel and the other hanging out of the open window. “Tell me about college. I mean have you . . . ,” he tried to keep the eagerness out of his voice, tried to stay cool. “Have you met anyone, or left anyone behind?”

 

“Me?” Jensen shrugged. “Nah – I’m the _love ‘em and leave ‘em_ type of guy. Seriously though, I’ve been too busy studying to meet too many suitable dates.”

 

Jared swallowed. Every single part of him wanted to ask Jensen if a suitable date would be male or female. He wanted to find out more about his love life. Jared’s was, and always had been non-existent. For him it was simple - Jensen or no one at all.

 

“You?” The question was inevitable, and Jared laughed it off with what he hoped was a casual sigh.

 

“Don’t meet too many dates on the slopes,” he said, finally. “It gives me a little more kudos, and a bit of mystery being single.” He licked his dry mouth. “And I’m still pretty young, y’know?”

 

“Yeah.” They pulled into the small airfield where the plane was waiting and Jared felt the familiar tingle of excitement mixed with nerves in his stomach. He’d never done anything like this before, and wasn’t sure if he would be okay jumping out of such a tiny plane at such a great height. Still Jensen was with him, and he knew that Jensen would never let anything happen to him. At this moment he was that nervous four year old again, and Jensen was the ‘big boy’ who was going to give him the courage to do something he’d never done before. Jared only wished he was fucking brave enough to tell Jensen the truth about how he felt about him, even if nothing ever came of it. At least he wouldn’t have to hide anymore.

 

****

 

**Austin 2003**

 

Jared splashed cologne on his chin and brushed a shaking hand through his long hair. He stood back and stared at the mirror; hazel eyes narrowing, today he was celebrating his twenty-first birthday and he had never felt so excited, or so nervous, because today he was going to tell Jensen just how he felt.

 

The two of them had remained close; Jensen was now teaching in a local school in Austin, and he loved it. He was popular with his students, and his results were awesome. Jared wasn’t surprised because Jensen had always been pretty good at teaching others. Jared was just one of the people who had benefited from his warmth and generosity.

 

Over the past few years the two of them had become even firmer friends, drawn together by their love of extreme sports and taking risks. Everything from snow-boarding on the steepest most dangerous slopes, to jumping out of planes and leaving it till the very last minute before opening their chute. Adrenaline was their drug of choice and although they were often joined by others of a similar mind set, it was more usual for them to challenge each other and obtaining their enjoyment by being the _bravest_ , or in the words of Jared’s mom _the most stupid_.

 

Now Jared was about to do the most daring thing in his entire life and instead of being in the air, or gliding along the smoothest snow, he was going to be in an Austin bar surrounded by friends and family, and he had never ever felt so fucking terrified.

 

****

 

Jensen was waiting for him at the hotel bar with several shots lined up and a jug of beer sitting cold by his elbow. Time had been kind to Jensen, and he had gone from handsome to totally hot and gorgeous. He hadn’t appeared to have had any serious relationships and, if Jared’s mom was to be believed, he hadn’t appeared to have had any sort of relationship at all. In his dreams Jared imagined it was because Jensen was pining for him. He imagined that Jensen loved him as much as Jared loved Jensen. In reality, he wasn’t sure why Jensen didn’t have a _significant other_ , but he couldn’t wait any longer and, as long as he didn’t fuck up their friendship, it was time to come clean.

 

****

 

Trouble was it just didn’t happen. 

 

Not when Jensen got up from the bar stool grinning, reaching out his hand and tugging someone forward. Jared’s mouth went super dry and his heart sank so fast in his chest he almost lost consciousness. The woman was tall and willowy, blonde haired and elegant. She wore a pretty cocktail dress which was kind of out of place in the bar and her skin was glowing, a diamond necklace resting on the swell of her breasts.

 

“Emma.” Jensen pulled the woman closer. “Come and meet Jared. He’s my best friend, and my comrade in arms.”

 

“Hey. So, you are the guy that encourages Jen’s madness?” the woman’s voice was modulated, soft and friendly. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

 

Jared continued to stare. He wanted to shout out. He wanted to stamp his feet, and he wanted to scream in Emma’s pretty face, _’I haven’t heard anything about you’_ but instead he shook the woman’s delicate hand and forced a smile on his face.

 

That night he got shit-faced. He drank shots, he drank beer, he slugged down whiskey. He watched all his friends and family have an awesome time. He pretended to laugh when he blew out his candles, exclaimed joy at his gifts, and hugged the new board Jensen had had made for him to his chest and pretended it was the man in question. As the room spun around him he ignored his mom’s look of concern. He ignored the dancing sweaty throng, and decided that as he was twenty-one he was going to do something incredibly brave, or something incredibly stupid. He’d never tried base jumping before but the hotel seemed high and large enough for him. He had the right equipment somewhere in his room among his things and – hey – why not? There was nothing else for him. Not here, not now. He let his heart crack open, wiping stupid tears away as he watched Jensen draw Emma to him as the music slowed.

 

His friend might have wondered why Jared had spent most of the night ignoring him. He might have questioned why Jared hadn’t taken up his offer to dance, or even talk, but Jared couldn’t bring himself to care. His whole world had coming crashing down around him and he couldn’t look forward to a future without Jensen in it

 

****

 

The building was tall, much higher than he had originally thought. He’d been staying in a room on the 14th floor, so getting his equipment wasn’t hard. The fact he could barely see made no difference to him. Shit, he was twenty-one and he deserved some excitement. Sure base jumping was dangerous, but how hard could it be? He’d done lots of other wild things but this, this would be one of the times he’d done something like this without Jensen by his side and, if he hadn’t been so wasted, he might have questioned his sanity.

 

The night was still incredibly warm and he thought he could hear the sounds of merriment below him. Celebrations for him, and no one missing him. He pulled on the chute, wriggling it over his jeans and tee-shirt, sweat sticking to him and making it more difficult. He could see the stars and the lights of the road below and it felt like he was floating outside his own body. He smiled to himself and moved to the edge. One little push and he would be on his way. Shame there was no one to see him but – hey – they would know soon enough.

 

He paused, memories of Jensen assailed him and he felt his throat constrict. He had been in love for so long it wouldn’t seem right, natural, not to love him and he guessed he’d never get over it. Jensen was like the most extreme of extreme sports, and he gave Jared the buzz he needed. He wasn’t sure how he was gonna’ live without that buzz, or even if he wanted to, and he laughed stupidly to himself as he balanced with his toes on the edge just waiting for launch.

 

****

 

“Jared!”

 

Through the haze of alcohol and the roar of air he heard someone call his name. He didn’t respond. Couldn’t. He was already flying, heading down, down, down, his heart thundering, his stomach dipping alarmingly. 

 

“Fuck, JARED!” 

 

Jensen’s voice loud and panicked. As he dropped he wondered if Jensen had seen him, wondered if he was impressed at Jared’s bravery. In slow motion he recalled sitting on the handlebars of Jensen’s bike, and recalled Jensen’s joy when he had gotten the snow-boarding gig. All roads led to Jensen, so it wasn’t surprising that he would hear his voice now.

 

“Your chute,” Jensen’s voice seemed closer now. “The building isn’t high enough. You’re gonna’ . . . we’re gonna’ . . . .”

 

Hands grabbed him hard and his body jolted and dipped, and suddenly the air stopped whooshing and slowed. He felt the ground come up and meet him. The impact hard and sharp. His knees and elbows exploding in sudden sharp pain, the weight above him solid and tough, his stomach roiling at everything, and nausea leading quickly to actual vomiting.

 

His vision blurred and dimmed, blackness enveloping him, pain, vomit and all. He could still hear the voice though. He could still hear his name being repeated over and over, gentle, worried, and determined.

 

“Jared. Jared. Jared.”

 

****

He’d never been in hospital before, which was amazing given his chosen career and his hobbies. Now he was laid up in a private room, aching all over, his ankle in plaster, and his left knee fucked up for the foreseeable future. The TV was off and he was staring, blearily, at his beeping monitors, his mind thick and his memory, unfortunately, clear.

 

“What were you thinking?”

 

Jensen appeared in the doorway. He looked exhausted, eyes green and sharp in his pale face. He had a bandage around his wrist and a band aid above his eyebrow, but apart from that he was perfect. Always perfect. Jared felt the soft sting of love warring with guilt.

 

“Answer me!” he’d never seen or heard Jensen this angry, and it was a horrible thing. His body was tense, and his mouth pulled into a tight line. “Answer me, Jared. What were you thinking?”

 

“I wanted to go base jumping.”

 

“Off a thirty-one story building? At midnight? Wasted?!” Jensen sat heavily on the chair next to his bed and buried his head in his hands. “Fuck, Jared.”

 

“I’m sorry,” his voice wavered and tears stung his lashes. He felt sick and tired, the pain dulled by strong medication, the room suddenly feeling so fucking small. He had no memory of getting here, but he did have flashes. Injections being stuck into his arms, the doctors discussing him, and nurses trying to reassure him.

 

“You could have died,” Jensen sounded close to tears himself. “Do you know that? You could have died.”

 

Jared turned his head so that he could stare at his friend but there were no words, nothing to explain how he felt right then and there. He swallowed, the recollections of the beautiful Emma sharp in his mind.

 

“I love you,” and there it was, forced out by drugs and weakness, carried on the flood of tears that soaked his cheeks and smeared along his chin. He was sobbing now, the monitors beep becoming loud and insistent, the echo of footsteps getting closer.

 

Jensen stared at him, his mouth open. If he was going to say anything it was drowned out by the appearance of several nurses and a doctor, the whining of the monitor and the soft gulps of Jared’s meltdown.

 

It was probably the most stupid yet bravest thing he had ever done.

 

And now Jensen knew.

 

****

 

His mom came daily and brought him magazines, and candy. His boss called from Whistler, and he realized how fucking lucky he was. The older man was sympathetic, told him that he was welcome back as soon as he was able, that he could, at least, talk to the customers even though it was going to be a while before he could actually demonstrate his _prowess_.

 

He was an idiot. He could have lost his job, worse still he could have lost his life. As it was, it appeared he had lost Jensen because three weeks from his confession he hadn’t seen his friend once, and his heart ached. His mind constantly supplying the message that he was so fucking stupid.

 

He was allowed out of bed and the doctors assured him he would be home soon enough, and he was already booked in for various physio sessions. He was young, healthy and responding well to medication and he knew that he had dodged the proverbial bullet. Despite this he actually missed the excitement of extreme sports, missed the snow whooshing beneath his board, missed the feel of the air against his cheeks as he jumped from a plane, missed the weightlessness of floating on a current of air but, most of all, he missed Jensen and the pain of losing him far outweighed any pain in his body.

 

Finally, a whole month since he turned twenty-one and tried to _kill himself_ Jensen turned up at the hospital. He looked a little guilty, green eyes lowered, a basket of fruit balanced in his arms. He put it down on the table beside Jared’s bed and perched on the chair next to him. 

 

“Hey.”

 

Jared pushed himself up in bed and tossed back the covers. He moved slowly and carefully putting his plastered ankle gingerly to the floor. He turned so that he could look Jensen in the eyes.

 

“Hey,” he whispered back, remembering clearly their last meeting and wondering how Jensen was going to let him down, hoping it was going to be gentle and praying they would still be friends at the end of it. “I’m so sorry,” he mumbled and found he couldn’t meet Jensen’s gaze. His heart was pounding hard in his chest and he felt as if he had just jumped out of a plane and was currently hurtling towards earth so fast it took his breath away.

 

“Sorry for what? Are you sorry for jumping off a fucking building? Or for making me worry myself sick, cos I thought you were dead?” Jensen laughed, dry and without humor. “Which part of all of that are you sorry for?”

 

“All of it,” Jared swallowed down the lump in his throat. “And for. . . .” he flushed red hot. “And for telling you I loved you, when I knew you were with someone else.”

 

“Someone else?” A frown dented Jensen’s forehead and he shook his head. “There isn’t anyone else. Why would you think that, Jared?”

 

“Emma.”

 

Jensen laughed but again it was a laugh without humor; more of a disgusted snort.

 

“Emma is my brother’s fiancée, and if you’d stuck around more you’d have found that out. Instead you decided to throw yourself off a building.”

 

“You saved me though.” Jared’s memory might be fuzzy but he knew that Jensen had jumped with him that night, that Jensen had risked his life for Jared.

 

“Yeah. All these years. I-I can’t believe it. I’ve carried a torch for you like forever, Jared.”

 

“Why . . . ?” his throat stung, eyes watering, a tiny weeny hope blossoming in his chest. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

 

“You were a kid! You were like a little brother to me. I wanted to wait until you were old enough to really know.” Jensen shrugged. “It seems fucking stupid now.” He shook his head ruefully. “Shit, we might be _brave_ enough to traverse the highest slopes and jump out of planes, but we are fucking cowards when it comes to each other and love.” He grinned, eyes bright. “Do you think we can get over this?”

 

Jared’s heart was thundering and he wondered if he was high on drugs. He felt as if he was flying through the air and he had never, ever had such a rush.

 

“Fucking right,” he couldn’t keep the smile from his voice or from his face. “Jensen you have been the one constant in my life, and without you . . . .” He grinned. “I’m nothing.”

 

Jensen leaned forward and grabbed Jared’s shoulders. He pulled him in gently and tipped his chin up. The next minute they were kissing, hard and fast, and Jared’s dreams turned into reality. His bones had turned to jelly and his blood to fire and he was as hard as iron, his cock pressing insistently against the softness of his sleep pants. For a moment he forgot where he was and then, realization hit, and he pulled back, pleased to see that Jensen appeared to be in a similar state.

 

“The nurses could come in at any minute,” he panted and Jensen beamed.

 

“I thought you thrived on taking risks.”

 

Jared stared for a moment, gulped down a breath and dived back in, gasping as Jensen’s hand wormed its way into his pants and wrapped firm around his erection. 

 

“I’ve never,” he could barely speak. “This is . . . .”

 

“Shhh, Jared,” Jensen whispered. “Let me.”

 

And then Jared was soaring higher and higher. Jensen laughed, soft and low, and tightened his grip and the world exploded. For the first time in his life Jared saw stars.

 

****

 

**Austin – Present Day**

 

Jared sighed happily and flopped down onto the couch. It was fantastically soft as he laid his head back on the plumped cushions and looked around still wondering how he came to be so fucking lucky.

 

He and Jensen now owned an apartment in the center of town, a small condo in Whistler and a house on the beach in Clearwater. Each dwelling offered access to a thrill seeking sport (or two), and J2 (as they had come to be known) spent as much time in each place as they could. Jensen still had his teaching job but he also had a good amount of vacation time, and Jared still taught snowboarding and had extended his knowledge to skiing and ski jumping. He now had enough understanding to lay his own trails and to organize other events. He liked the fact that his boss told him he was legendary and he had to admit that he got a buzz from reading about himself in _Lad Mags_. Mostly, though, he was incredibly contented. He owned his own home (s) and he lived with the man he loved more than life itself and he still couldn’t actually believe it.

 

“You here?”

 

Jensen breezed through the door. He was thirty-nine now but, to Jared, he was more handsome than ever. Laugh lines bracketed his eyes and mouth and, because of his athletic lifestyle, he still had a body to die for. Jared did like to tease him on occasion, calling him _old man_ but, deep down, he knew how lucky he was.

 

“I’m in here, honey!” 

 

Jensen barged into the lounge and pulled him into a hug, their kiss was swift but passionate and Jared was instantly hard, his body responding to Jensen’s as it always did.

 

“So - .” Jensen dropped his briefcase and looked at his watch. “The plane will be waiting for us on the tarmac and the chutes are packed,” he said and grinned. “You ready to jump? I thought we might try to go higher this time - y’know, to get bigger and better thrills.”

 

Jared grinned wickedly. Sure he was ready for that buzz again, and the adrenaline was already flowing but there were other ways of seeking a thrill and he knew exactly what he wanted to do right then and while jumping out of a plane sounded good . . . well, bed sounded even fucking better.

 

“Maybe later,” he said, already stripping out of his jeans, his tee-shirt following. Jensen shook his head affectionately but his eyes were on fire and Jared knew that, as always, he was going to get what he wanted.

 

Jensen had been there for all of his firsts; his first bike ride, his first attempt at snowboarding, his first jump, even his first (and last) base jump. But what Jared remembered most, was that Jensen had been RIGHT there when he had first lost his virginity and that, well that, had been the best first of all.

 

Now, like with all of his other skills, Jared considered himself an expert and he liked to practice as much as possible. Naked and ready he grabbed Jensen’s hand and dragged him towards the stairs.

 

“I’m ready for a really big thrill right now,” he whispered and Jensen laughed right along with him. Jared and Jensen now, and then, still going strong in all  
ways.

 

End

 

 

 

 


End file.
